if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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