i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
