I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
