32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
