Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
