Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
