Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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