we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
