did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
