It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I understand Curling. That high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
