the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
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I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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