I got chris browned last night
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
