I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
