your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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