I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
