sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was like eating out sand paper
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
