my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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