just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
