i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
