just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
