my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
