She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
