That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
