party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
