I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
