Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
