I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
