I got chris browned last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
