the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
