the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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