Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
