My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
