You're my little dorito
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
