Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
