Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
