you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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