mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She's JV to your varsity
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
