Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
