U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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