four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
