Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
