I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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