He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
