grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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