So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
