so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize