so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
