so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
