Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize