you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize