your parents love me but you hate me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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