I wish I could teleport
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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