Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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