Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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