New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
