thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
