oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
North Korea, Best Korea!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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