do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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